Question:

My son is 14 and has a diagnosis of ASD and severe anxiety. The anxiety is being addressed and he is B”h doing well at school. However, he is struggling in his Emunah and is grappling with different questions like: “What’s the point in life if everything is planned and preordained by Hashem?” “Who/What is Hashem?” etc. He is plagued by these kind of thoughts and others and is very troubled. He cannot accept the fact that we don’t have all the answers. I would be so grateful to hear this question addressed and to be pointed in the direction of someone with experience in helping people with ASD.

Answer:

This is a really important question. Many people with ASD need to have an exact answer and can’t tolerate an answer or concept that isn’t black and white. They have trouble developing a nuanced perspective in many areas of life. For example, someone can be your friend and still say a hurtful comment at times. Similarly, he can’t tolerate not knowing the answer to something and being OK with not understanding everything. I would make a couple of points that might be helpful.

1. One way to teach him to understand the nuances of life, is to find an area in his life that he can understand sometimes works one way and sometimes works another way. For example, sometimes you are in the mood of playing a certain game, and sometimes you’re not in the mood, even if it’s usually your favorite game. Once he understands this concept you can try to get him to expand this kind of thinking to other areas of his life as well.
2. Understanding Hashem is the deepest and most complex subject for humans to comprehend. There are certain things that the human mind will never understand. There are also certain concepts about Hashem that we can only understand as we grow and develop a greater mind for these things. By teaching him to be flexible in his thinking and less black and white , you can try to help him learn to accept that some things about Hashem no human can ever know. This is ok, and one of the challenges that all humans must learn to accept.
3. In addition, it can be very therapeutic to help him develop his creativity and talents in what he is good at. Often, children on the spectrum are expected to conform with society and don’t get to express their unique talents and abilities. By helping him develop his talents and follow his passion, he will become less perseverative on other things.