Yitzy is a seventh grader with many challenges. He was previously in a specialized class due to his difficulties with language and processing. He goes out of class every day for a private learning session with a chavrusa. I observe Yitzy with his chavrusa. Yitzy shows little interest in what his chavrusa is teaching him; he just sits there looking very uninterested. When his chavrusa asks him a question, he either gives a one-word answer or doesn’t respond. Yitzy seems to lack motivation for anything and exhibits very little confidence. He won’t even risk trying something challenging, since he expects to fail.

The first step for Yitzy is to develop his natural talents and interests. Once he feels successful and believes in himself, he will feel more empowered to overcome his challenges.

Rob Bernstein explains that to help children develop confidence and self-esteem, it is more important to help them build their talents and skills than to teach them to overcome their deficits. The first step for Yitzy is to develop his natural talents and interests. Once he feels successful and believes in himself, he will feel more empowered to overcome his challenges.

Using a Child’s Interests to Build Confidence

I wanted to find something that would spark excitement and liveliness in Yitzy. I discovered that Yitzy is fascinated with electronic circuitry and small battery-powered creations, so I bought a Solar Robot kit to build with Yitzy. Yitzy was elated when he saw the 13 different possible robots he could assemble from the kit and that there was a small solar panel that powers the robots.

With his newfound motivation and excitement about the project, Yitzy started to use more language and express himself more. Just tapping into Yitzy’s talents and interests was transformative. He was engaged, motivated, and already overcoming some of his language deficits.

Yitzy was now ready for step 2 in Rob Bernstein’s approach: using the highly motivating activity as a learning and growth opportunity. I started embedding some language and cognitive challenges into the activities. Yitzy needed to expand his language to discuss the various challenges that came up naturally in the project and learn to problem-solve. By using his natural motivation to learn the skills needed for the project, Yitzy was willing to tackle new challenges that he previously would have refused to consider.

To help a child internalize their successes, Rob Bernstein provides a simple strategy: ask the child, “How do you feel about what you just did?” Having the child reflect and think about their accomplishment is an important step in developing confidence.

With time, Yitzy’s confidence started to improve. He was trying out new games and activities, and when he encountered a difficulty, he didn’t give up so fast. I would tell Yitzy, “Look how well you played the chess game. I’m sure you can figure this out as well!”

Turning a Child’s Strengths Into Academic Progress

Yitzy’s biggest challenge was still Gemara. He wouldn’t even consider Gemara, as he was convinced it was too difficult for him. Using the typical behavioral strategies of rewards and consequences wasn’t working. Yitzy refused to even discuss trying Gemara.

According to the Bernstein cognitive approach, having the child buy into the process and want to change is crucial — just as when someone quits smoking, there needs to be an internal decision to want to stop. Punishing the individual, or rewarding them to stop, would at most result in a temporary change. For Yitzy to start learning Gemara, he would need to be convinced that Gemara is for him; it’s something he can do and enjoy!

I prepared a Gemara lesson for Yitzy with the goal of making it relevant to him. I looked for a discussion in the Gemara that Yitzy could relate to, understand, and find interest in. Yitzy was willing to have the Gemara discussion with me since it was a different kind of Gemara experience — we were having a discussion about something meaningful to his life rather than trying to read and understand a difficult Gemara text. This opened up the possibility for Yitzy that Gemara can be something for him, rather than an academic pursuit he isn’t capable of.

After his initial Gemara breakthrough, Yitzy was open to trying more Gemara. I looked for ways to reduce the difficult aspects of Gemara learning and engage Yitzy with what he was good at. Yitzy started progressing with his Gemara learning.

What Changed for Yitzy

Yitzy’s parents told me that his whole demeanor has changed. He is no longer dragging himself around without any motivation or excitement for anything. Now he is finding a new sense of purpose. He no longer dreads school. There are many things that he looks forward to in his day.

Once Yitzy discovered his natural talents and strengths, his confidence and motivation started to grow. This was a catalyst for much of the progress he made. Helping children tap into and appreciate their unique qualities and personalities is fundamental to their development and success.

Stories in this series are based on real accounts, but many details have been altered to protect the subjects’ privacy.

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